BLACKBIRD
by glycerineclown
Summary: One summer, I learned to trust my only instinct: my heart. [[AUTHORS NOTE]]
1. Prologue

**Blackbird. Prologue. 2033.**

A much older Gordon LaChance stands on my right, hands clasped in front of him, both our downcast eyes stained red. My long black dress ripples in the wind and I pull my sweater more tightly around me. My umbrella is long forgotten. The small crowd that had gathered looked solemn, some of them watching me sympathetically, others tending to little children, whispering amongst themselves about a man they thought they knew. A boy with headphones on and his hood up, zoned out at the distance. I look up at the grey sky and back down again at the sodden ground and grass. Chris always loved the rain. I sigh and Gordie and I step up to the small podium.

"Thank you all so much for coming. It means a lot. Um..." I take out my glasses, stop, put them away again and clear my throat. "I look back now, at forty-three, at life, at love, at the bright spirit that kept me going, that taught me so much more than I could've learned in any book. To believe in myself, to open up, to stand up for what's right and how to know when to sit down again. But now, all I'm left with is the memories. Beautiful memories, of growing up, finding myself, finding others, friends, and foes... enough to last a lifetime. Chris Chambers was one of a kind. He changed my life, he changed my outlook. He was my best friend. At sixteen, he was so selfless, so wise, so... old. And then there was this boy inside of him that was like an angel, and..." I pause and turn to Gordie and he squeezes my hand, urging me to go on.

"And then he grew up. And he was even more wonderful than before, if that is possible. He was a great man, a friend, a believer, a hero. Chris had this energy... he could make you smile, and then he could just as easily make you cry. Because of the things he's gone through in his lifetime, and how he could better a situation... Chris was amazing." My voice breaks and I slam my hand down on the polished wood in front of me. "He _is _amazing... He would just look at you and you felt like the most important person in the world."

It is Gordie's turn. "I remember when I was ten; Chris Chambers was the toughest kid we hung around with. I remember one time he saw a little kid sitting, crying, on the curb, a kid he didn't even know, with a scraped knee. And Chris sat right down next to him and got him talking about what was on TV the week before, probably some Geico commercial, remember those? Got him laughing. Until he forgot he was supposed to be hurt. I remember the summer we all grew up, the summer we learned what becoming a man was about. I remember him pushing me to be my best, telling me to follow my dreams. That I could do anything. And I remember telling him the same thing." He looks at me, shaking, I know he's about to burst, as am I.

"He had this way about him that you can't put into words. Chris was so honest... he was a free soul; an inspiration. If he respected you, life was good. Because he would make damn sure you got out all right. I remember when we met Julia. And I remember realizing it was the first time I'd ever seen him truly happy. He was head over heels for her. It was weird."

I sigh, thinking, and continue, "I remember the summer I first met him, the boy next door...


	2. One

**REPOSTING STORY WITH EDITS, DONT OWN SHIT.**

**BLACKBIRD. PART I. PRESENT DAY.**

**Arriving.**

"So Julie, how's high school?" I shuddered inside at those dreaded words. Aunt Marie looked back at me in the backseat through her rearview mirror.

It was the summer I turned sixteen. The summer that changed my life, right when I least expected it. The summer I was sent to live with my aunt Marie, who happened to live in the most boring place in the world... Castle Rock, Oregon. Sure, the weather was nice, but what I'd really looked forward to was spending time in my hometown, sunny San Francisco, having fun in the sun with a few friends and letting go of all the stress that goes along with school. At least from my point of view at the time, that idea was totally mutilated the moment my mom dropped the bomb on me.

Aunt Marie picked me up from the bus station, and we were driving back to her house in a beat-up Ford station wagon.

"Fine," I muttered and continued to stare out the window at the seemingly unending meadows and mountains and pine forests. I didn't want to be here.

"Your mom said you play soccer."

"Yeah... its cool I guess," I sighed, trying to shut her up. I hadn't played soccer for three years. I didn't know how long I'd been on the bus, but at that point I probably looked as bad as I felt.

"Ya know, Julie, Castle Rock isn't as horrible as you might think. Give it a chance... it might grow on you." Did she read minds? I hoped not.

After what seemed like hours (but it was actually twenty minutes) we pulled into the driveway, and Marie and I got out and went around to the trunk of the car to grab my belongings. I had a duffel bag with clothes, and a couple of smaller bags with my CDs, books and other stuff.

"Hi." I looked up and around for wherever the voice was coming from. I saw a cute dirty-blonde boy, about my age, in a dirty t-shirt, standard black chucks and ripped jeans, leaning against the rusty chain link fence that separated my aunt's yard from next door's. He looked relaxed and uptight at the same time, like something was bothering him, and his stance was at an angle, favoring his foot. Something about that kid.

"Hey," I said shyly while opening the trunk door.

"The summer, right?" Marie must have told him I was coming.

"Yeah. I'm staying here for the summer with my aunt." I slung my heavy duffel bag over my shoulder, and struggled to also carry my backpack at the same time without falling over. My aunt had my smaller suitcase and was leading the way into the house.

"Want some help with that?"

"Please," I sighed as he walked over to me, taking the bag off my hands. "Thanks."

"No problem. I'm Chris."

"You doin' that one-name crap like Madonna?"

"Chris Chambers."

I smiled. "Julie Adams. Nice to meet you." He stuck out his hand and I shook it. "So... you live next door?" I pointed my thumb in the general direction of his house.

"No, actually I just happened to be standing in some random person's front yard when you drove up." He shifted my bag in his arms.

"Oh."

Chris started laughing. "God you're thick. Of course I live next door."

"Sorry... I'm a little out of it today."

"Aren't we all?"

"I guess so." We headed inside, and up the stairs to my new room. I threw my duffel bag on the floor and looked around at the peachy wallpaper. I cringed at it. Chris set my backpack on a chair by the door.

"Thanks for your help."

"My pleasure."

I smirked at my acquaintance. "Sure it is."

We walked back down the hallway. I could unpack later—he was cute. Aunt Marie was in the kitchen, making sandwiches for lunch.

"Making friends already? You've barely been here five minutes."

"I try."

"Well, Chris, if you're not doing anything today, why don't you show Julie around town?"

"Sure." He sent me a sweet smile. I smiled back, realizing today might not be _completely_ hopeless, and ran my hand through my red-brown hair, tying it back with a rubber band.

"Sandwich?"

**Snakes and Ice Cream.**

"...And then LaChance here got a leech in his balls." They all burst out laughing. Chris had taken me to meet his friends, Teddy and Gordie. We were all up in a tree house not far from our neighborhood. It was really neat, and they had everything up there, from poker chips to cigarettes. They were retelling the story of their trek to find Ray Brower's body four years previously, when they were twelve. Apparently the threesome walked thirty miles along the train tracks, narrowly escaped a rabid dog, cracked jokes, had a wimpy shootout with the local hoods, and made it back in time for dinner the next day. Quite a story.

Chris' friends were nice. Teddy Duchamp was short for his age, loud, crazy, perverted and stubborn, with spiked green hair and the weirdest laugh I'd ever heard. He tried to hit on me, but I shot him down with a juicy remark before he knew what hit him.

Chris' other half Gordie LaChance was a sweetie, with big doe eyes and a sad smile that made you just want to hug him. He aspired to be a writer, and read most of the time, a quality I really admired in him.

It was an oven out that day, and someone suggested we go get ice cream. All agreed and we climbed down the ladder to the ground. The four of us were walking down the sidewalk, toward the ice cream parlor when Teddy and Chris noticed an older blonde kid walking toward us.

"Shit," they said simultaneously.

"Sorry." I knew he was apologizing for swearing in front of me. Few do that. I smiled inwardly.

"Its all good. What?" I asked Chris, concerned.

"Ace Merrill. He's evil and he knows how to hold a grudge."

"So he's the one...?"

"Yeah. Once you threaten a Cobra with a pistol... its big time. Gordie made that mistake once. Not that I would take it back for the life of me. Doubt he would either."

Ace Merrill sauntered up to us. "Hello ladies." He spotted me and grinned evilly. "Well, well, well what do we have here? Got yourself a little girlfriend, eh Chambers? 'Bout damn time." He spat on the ground.

"Piss off, Ace." Chris stepped in front of me.

"Oh, I'm scared now," Ace said, and put his hands up in mock surrender.

"You should be."

"What'd you say to me?"

"You should be," Chris repeated, straight-faced.

This wisecrack earned Chris a nice punch in the stomach. "You're lucky I've got someplace to be, Chambers." Ace said as he walked away.

"Chris!" He was doubled over; I heard him swear again under his breath.

"That's gonna leave a mark." Teddy announced. Gordie shoved him to the side.

"Naw, its all good." But I could tell that he wasn't okay. He winced as he picked himself up.

Chris later told me that Ace was the leader of a gang called the Cobras—the town badasses. His minions included Chris' elder brother Rich (nobody ever called him that, he went by Eyeball because one of his eyes looked in a different direction), Fuzzy Bracowicz, Vince Desjardins and Billy Tessio. They dressed in black leather and found pleasure in beating on the smaller and playing mailbox baseball.

We walked the rest of the way to the ice cream parlor in silence. Chris and I lagged behind the rest of them.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Do what?"

"Provoke him. Get yourself punched in the stomach."

"It would've happened at some point." He gave me a half smile. "Inevitable."

"That's sick."

Chris sighed dramatically. "That's the way it is. I hate him, he hates me and the world goes round and round."

We reached the ice cream parlor and went inside. Everyone piled into one booth. A waitress came up to our table, we ordered and Teddy whistled at her retreating back as she left to get our sugar fix.

I coughed, "PERVERT" at Teddy. Everyone laughed, except him, who turned beet red. Gordie spewed his soda all over the table.

We were just finishing our desserts when glanced at the clock on the wall and noticed how late it was. "It's almost eight, guys, I should probably get going home."

"Same here," Chris said. "My dad'll kill me if I'm late again." The others seemed to catch a different meaning in his words than I did and all three of their expressions changed. We said our goodbyes and left the store.

"So is this place really as boring as it looks?" I said, looking around the small 'downtown' area. "I mean, I'm used to San Francisco... not farmland."

"You get used to it. I've never known anything else. Home sweet home. Sort of. The hickest spot on the map, though."

I smirked at him. "Really?"

"Really. Sorry to burst your 'summer dream vacay' bubble. So what's life like in the city?"

"San's definitely faster paced. But yeah, you get used to it... it gets tiring, at least for me anyway. I can't breathe there. There's too many things going on all at once, you know? Actually, I guess you wouldn't know, would you..."

He smirked. "Yes, I suppose that factor is implied."

A passing bicyclist zoomed by a bit fast for sidewalks. I jumped out of the way and into Chris' arms about as gracefully as a hippo, if you want to picture it. But he held onto me and we stood there for a while until the idiot that about ran me over was out of sight.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." I straightened up and coughed. "Thanks." He looked about as embarrassed as I was.

"Sure." He smiled good-naturedly at me.

I beamed and cracked my knuckles. "That was about the smoothest thing I've done all day. Grr you bicyclists!" I bared my teeth at the horizon.

Chris snorted. "Julie."

"Whaty?"

"Shut up."

"Okay." I kicked a rock across the sidewalk, and Chris kicked the rock back. I kicked it again, and he kicked it again. Then I over-kicked it by a mile, hitting nothing but air. We both laughed as I hopped around on one foot trying to get it back.

We had reached my front door. "I guess I'll see you around."

"Not if I see you first. Hey, me and the guys are going to the lake the day after tomorrow around noon. Why don't you come with?"

"Sure. I'll ask my aunt."

"Okay. Bye."

I waved at him and walked inside, devoured some chili and went to my room to unpack. I put all my clothes in the dresser and then turned to my boxes. I set my CD's and player on the dresser and sighed with contentment; the rest could wait until tomorrow. I collapsed into bed and was out like a light the moment my head touched the pillow.

**The Next Day.**

"Well if it isn't Julie Adams." Chris was sitting on the fence between our houses, doing absolutely nothing.

I smiled at him from across the lawn. "Hey Chris. What brings you to these parts?" I sat next to him on the fence.

"The lovely souvenir shop."

"Ha. Whatever, idiot."

He grinned and didn't try to throw back a better insult. Instead he said, "Elvis Presley or The Beatles?"

"What?"

"Elvis Presley or the Beatles. You can tell a lot about somebody based on which they choose."

"Oh. The Beatles. Damn straight."

"That's what I figured."

"How's that?"

"I dunno. You just seem like that kind of girl."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "You must be very intuitive."

"I pride myself in that quality, actually."

I threw my head back and laughed, losing my balance. And falling backwards off the fence. So much for being at least slightly smooth with the cutie that lives next door.

"Well there we are." He laughed at me from the top of the fence, and from in-between gasps, asked, "Are you okay?"

"You're laughing at me."

"Do you like orange juice? I feel like some orange juice." Chris looked to the distance in thought and then smiled at me.

"Don't change the subject! Do you have any?" I knit my eyebrows together from my awkward position on the ground.

"No."

I nodded slowly. "We should go get some," I said blankly, with no emotion.

"There's a 7Eleven down the street."

"Okay." He hopped off the fence and helped me up.

So we went to 7Eleven and bought some orange juice. And drank the entire carton, in my aunt's kitchen, in one sitting.


	3. Two

**Getting Wet.**

I woke up the next morning, a Friday, around 8:30. After I remembered where I was, I got up and went into the bathroom and got a shower. I changed into my swimsuit with my white boardshorts and a t-shirt on over it. We were going to the lake that day, and I was looking forward to seeing Chris again. In Castle Rock, Chris was to 'a sweetie' as Weird Al was to 'a musician.' The select few that took the time to get to know him agreed with the analogy, but if you did agree, you were there by him for life, because he _made_ you care. So maybe that's a bad example. But you get the point.

I went to the kitchen and got a bowl of cereal. Aunt Marie had already left for work, and left an all-too-familiar note on the counter. She would be late.

I did some more organizing and watched TV until Chris knocked on the door. I grabbed my beach towel, sunscreen and purse off the kitchen counter and closed the door behind us.

We walked down the sidewalk until we came to a wooded trail that led to the lake. I didn't see Teddy or Gordie until we got there; they were already in the water.

"Come on!" Chris was being a slowpoke. I ran down towards the dock, set down my stuff on the sand and stripped off my shirt to reveal my suit.

"How deep is this?" I asked him, shielding my eyes from the sun with my hand and looking up at him.

"About ten feet, why?"

"You'll see." I ran down the dock and did a cannonball into the lake. The other boys cheered. "Beat that, Chambers!"

"Fine," Chris said, and put on a cocky smile. "But you'll be sorry." He sprinted down the dock and did a front flip into the water, making a big splash. We all played around in the water for a while when I got an idea. I took a deep breath and swam under the water toward the dock. When I came back up for air, I was under it. I stayed there for a while and waited for somebody to notice my absence.

Suddenly Gordie said, "Guys, where's Julie?"

I snickered quietly to myself and watched Chris and Teddy dive under to look for me. They came back to the surface after a minute or so with no success.

Figuring I had made them suffer enough, I ducked back under and swam over to where they were. I popped up grinning.

"Miss me, fellas?"

"Damn you, girl, don't do that!" Chris looked genuinely worried. They all splashed me and I dunked Gordie, who came up sputtering. Then Chris snuck up behind me and dunked me. Then I dunked him and it turned into a contest between all of us.

We stopped. I poked Chris. Chris narrowed his eyes and poked me back. I raised both hands up out of the water and waved my pointer fingers in front of him threateningly, ninja style. He grabbed my fingers and wouldn't let them go. I searched his eyes, and said softly, "Hi." There was a weird silence and then we smiled.

It started to rain so we all hauled ourselves out of the water, dried off and got dressed. I put my shirt back on and picked up my wet towel and bag. Chris walked me home. At this point it was pouring, but we didn't care. We reached our houses and stopped.

"I'll call you later?" I yelled hopefully through the torrents.

"Yeah... uh..."

I smiled. "Here." I dug a pen out of my bag and wrote my cell phone number on his hand.

He looked at his hand and back at me, a grin on his wet face. "Okay. Cool. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." I smiled at him through the rain and walked into the house.

**Please Drink Responsibly.**

Later that night, after dinner, it was still pouring down rain, like pennies in a tin can. I heard some yelling from next door, but brushed it off. A few minutes later I heard a door slam. Then tapping at my bedroom window. I peered out the glass only to find a soaked Chris standing there. His long bangs were plastered to his forehead.

I opened the window and let him climb in. Closing it, I crossed the room and looked out into the hallway, satisfied with the fact that my aunt was in her room, the door shut. I looked back at Chris. He was standing in the middle of my room, his head in his hands. I sat him down my bed.

"Chris... Chris look at me." My heart broke when I saw him bleeding from his eyebrow and below his lip, with a big shiner already developing on his eye. My heart broke all over again when I saw the fire in his blue eyes.

"Oh god... what happened to you?" I ran into the bathroom and found a towel, a wet washcloth and first aid kit under the sink, and came back with them. I kneeled next to him.

"Don't you dare tell me you fell. That's bull and you know it. Who did it? Your brother? Ace? What's going on?"

He stayed silent. This wasn't the Chris I knew. He'd never really mentioned his family before.

I sighed and tugged on the knee of his jeans. "Hey."

Chris stared at me gravely, then at the wall. His knuckles grew white. "He's not my father," he whispered.

"Your dad did this to you?" I stopped rummaging through the kit and gaped at him.

Chris avoided my eyes. "He hits us sometimes. Locked me out."

"Do you mean, by 'us'..."

"My mom, my brothers." Chris pushed his hair back out of his eyes with his fingers, and dried off his arms and the back of his neck with the towel I had handed him. I found some gauze and rubbing alcohol. He cringed at the sight of it.

"Are you sure you know what you're doing with that stuff?"

"Of course I do. Four years of Girl Scouts does a body good. Scout's honor." I held up three fingers. Lowering my hand, I grabbed the gauze. "Now I could just kiss it and make it better, but I'm afraid that wouldn't be all that sanitary." He smiled slightly. I held it below his lip and applied pressure. "Hold that there."

"Okay." Chris did as he was told. I turned my attention to his eye. It was swelling. I ran downstairs to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of frozen corn from the freezer, and hurried back up, returning to the bathroom to find some aspirin and a glass of water.

"And take an aspirin. You'll feel better."

"What are you, Julie? A nurse?" He popped two tablets in his mouth and drained the glass, pressing the cold plastic sack to his face. He could barely open his left eye.

"Possibly." I noticed him shivering, went through my drawers and found a big sweatshirt and handed it to him. Chris accepted it and looked at me apologetically.

"Chris, don't even worry about it."

Then I took the washcloth and dabbed at his eyebrow. We both winced. I cleaned it up, put a bandage on it delicately and sat back down next to him.

"Thank you," he said softly. "You didn't need to do that."

I wiped my eye with the back of my hand. "Of course I did."

I looked at Chris and gently pulled his neck toward mine, kissing his swollen eye and his cheekbone. Our faces lingered momentarily in front of one another, our lips barely touched. For a second, a brand new energy coursed through me. Neither of us moved much, with the exception of my mind, which was racing, but didn't want to quit. Chris had started to give in, when he turned away abruptly. "I- Julie-"

I shushed at him and kissed him softly, scooting closer to his side. Chris smiled and kissed me back, running his fingers through my hair and resting them on my neck. Then I tasted his lip reopening and he stopped again, and touched it with his finger gingerly. I shook my head at him and pulled his hand away from it.

We sat together for the next couple of hours on the carpeted floor of my room. We whispered back and forth so that we could remain unheard, with me holding his free hand, for his other held the corn against his face. I let him sleep in my bed that night, and made myself comfortable in a chair.

**Wakeup Call.**

I woke up late, tucked into my own bed, in the same clothes as the day before, with a note next to the pillow; he left his phone number. And said he would make it up to me. I smiled and called his house.

After a couple of rings, a woman's voice answered.

"Hi, is Chris there?"

"Oh, um, yes, let me get him." I heard a muffled 'Chris, phone!' in the background on the other end. After a few moments:

"Hello?"

"Hey, its Julie. How are you doing?"

"I'm good. You?"

"Go to your bedroom window."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

"Okay..." I saw him walk up to the window. He smiled and waved at me, opening his window, while I opened my own.

Our windows were right across from each other. I hung up on him.

"You hung up on me!"

"It seems so."

"Nobody hangs up on Chris Chambers."

"I just did."

"You're gonna get it!" He climbed onto the window ledge and jumped down to the ground.

"What am I gonna get? Something bad?" Leaning out my window, I smiled at him flirtatiously.

"That depends."

"Is that so?"

"Mmhmm." Chris was now by the side of my house. He put his arms upon the windowsill and rested his chin on them. His eye looked much better than it had just a few hours before, and now he had little strips of medical tape across his brow. I climbed out the window and stood in front of him. Moving Chris' hair to the side with my thumb, I studied his eye.

"I'm a fast healer," he said softly, and, biting his lip, watched my expression lighten from concern to relief, and ultimately to a smile.

Chris and I held hands briefly until we embraced each other and he rested his cheek against mine.

"I got your note," I said into his shoulder.

"Oh. That's good," he sighed.

I chuckled at his obviousness. "Yeah... it is. Where are we going, anyway?"

"You'd just love to know, wouldn't you?" I scoffed sarcastically at him and smiled.


	4. Three

**I DONT OWN BLACKBIRD BY THE BEATLES, WHICH IS MY FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. **

**Dating and Bears.**

We had some food at a little restaurant in town and were walking aimlessly around, past different stores and businesses, neither of us really wanting to go home.

I thought of a new topic for conversation. "I know one. Your favorite vacation."

"Well, me and the guys have this tradition—every summer we go camping. It's crazy. We're gonna go again this year, I think. But anyway, a couple years ago we went, and a bear found our camp." He paused for emphasis. "While we were in it."

"Really? What happened?"

Chris laughed. "So my old friend Vern's dad was there with us, and he'd brought a pistol. But he was so groggy from his sleeping pills he took because we wouldn't shut up during the night that he wouldn't really wake up. So I had the pistol and we were in a big pine forest so we all climbed into the trees away from the bear. But what we didn't know was that the bear could climb trees too, and so it started to climb the tree after Gordie, so I shot at the bear and scared it away. That was the highlight of the trip."

"You shot the poor bear?"

Chris saw the wounded expression on my face and said, "No, no, I shot _near_ the bear. To scare it. I swear, that bear had rabies or something. It was enormous and it wouldn't leave us alone. Woulda killed Gordie, he was so freaked out..." Chris smirked, reminiscing. "It was an experience to say the least. What about you? Your favorite vacation?"

"I'm on it." We smiled.

Eventually we made it all the way down to the lake. It was getting dark and we sat down on a bench. Chris played with his fingers anxiously and said quietly, "You should come with us this year. Camping."

"That could be fun." We sat for a few minutes in a comfortable silence. I linked my arm through his.

"Julie?" He bit his lip and faced me.

"Yeah?"

"Last night..." I turned to him, searching for an expression, fearing the worst. He sighed. "Did I, I mean, is that okay?"

"Do you want it to be okay?" That was cryptic. Dammit.

Chris looked at me and his eyes said, 'More than anything.'

I nodded and whispered, "Then that's more than okay." Judging from his response, I'd say he liked that.

It was almost ten when we got back. We were standing on my porch, and Chris seemed kind of afraid to go home. His father's pickup was in the driveway next door. He got all tense; his eye twitched.

"You don't have to go home, you know."

"Yes I do. I have to protect them."

"How are you gonna do that?"

"I just have to, okay? I can't turn into my father. I can't run away from my problems." Chris sighed and smoothed my hair with his fingers.

I smiled sadly up at him, realizing there was nothing I could do. "Be careful."

"I will. Don't worry about me. I'll figure something out."

"I know you will."

He kissed my forehead. "I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I held onto his hand until he was out of reach.

**My Past, and My Present.**

Chris and I were in the tree house with Teddy and Gordie, watching them play cards. I was sitting next to Chris on the worn wood floor, my arms behind me to support my back. The other two were completely immersed in their game. We kept passing glances back and forth, smiling, and I took his callused hand in mine. Chris turned to me and we both leaned in and kissed once gently. Keeping our faces together, he and I laughed slightly. I changed my sitting position to my knees and we continued.

"Dammit, would you two get a room! My God." Teddy exclaimed impatiently, finally noticing us.

I paused at Chris' lips and said, "No, I don't think we will." He smiled and kissed me again.

"I can't believe we're going camping with these fools," Gordie said to no one in particular.

I sighed and sat back cross-legged. "You guys really need boyfriends."

"We know," Gordie said monotonously. Teddy and Chris stared at him, cocking their heads to the side. "Shit."

"Where are we camping, anyway?" I asked. Gordie sent a _thank you for changing the subject _look my way.

"Well, every year we go a little bit deeper into the forests and mountains around here." Gordie explained. "And this year we get to drive, and go uncaperoned." Teddy was already seventeen, so he had his driver's license. I batted my eyelashes and smiled at Chris at the idea of no chaperones. This was gonna be good.

They left after a while until it was just Chris and me, relaxing, me sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest.

"You should know..." He sighed.

I turned around and gave him my full attention. "What should I know?"

"This town, my family, everything here is so screwed up, shit my other brother Frank's in jail for raping a girl. I-" He stopped. "People are gonna look at you differently if they see you with me, Jules. I mean, I don't want you getting hurt. I'm labeled and I don't want that fact ruining your summer here."

"You know I don't judge like that."

"Yeah, but everyone else will."

I smiled slightly and went back to my original position. "Chris?"

"Hmm?"

"What happens at the end of the summer? When I have to go back."

"I haven't been wanting to think about it."

"Neither have I," I said quietly. "But I can't just go and say 'oh, it was a summer fling, it doesn't matter!'"

"That's the last thing I want this to be." He kissed the top of my head. I turned around and hugged him. I didn't have anything remotely like Chris in my life back in California. I had friends, but the guys there weren't at all like the ones here (some of them, anyway): the typical, ironically, 'boy next door,' the nice guy who listens and understands and treats you well. The California boys were pretty, sure. But their personalities were so superficial and cocky. They all thought with their pants. It made me sick. And I found myself opening up to Chris about my home life; something I never did, with anyone.

I laid my face against his shoulder and sighed. "My mom ignores me. I make my own dinners. Do my own laundry. 'Oh, honey, off to the Bahamas tomorrow with my boyfriend, be back in a week.' or 'another business trip.' I can't go back, Chris. Sending me here was the best thing she's ever done for me."

"And me." I had to smile at that.

"Stop being adorable," I whined.

"Can't. Come on." He started to get up.

"Why? Where are we going?"

"Just come with me. I wanna show you something." Chris grabbed my hand and led me from the tree house back to his house. He went around the side and through his bedroom window (a talent he had perfected by the age of seven), and came back with a guitar.

I loved guitars. "Cool! Can you play?"

"Of course." He sat down cross-legged, took out his pick from in-between the strings and started strumming and tuning it. "I learned your favorite song."

"Really? Would you play it?"

"What do you think I'm doing?" I smiled widely and sat down in the grass across from him.

He started singing softly. His voice was so soft, but strong at the same time... You could always tell when Chris talked that he believed what he was saying; that he had thought things through first. But the first time I heard him sing, I swear to God I fell in love with him all over again. I recognized the song immediately.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly, all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise. Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see, all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free. Blackbird fly. Blackbird fly. Into the light of a dark black night."

He set the guitar down on the grass and looked at me.

I wanted to cry from happiness, it affected me that much. "You played my song."

"Yeah... Your point?" he asked, grinning.

"I love that song." I moved into his lap, watching his eyes, and rested my head on his shoulder, my face by the crook of his neck. "I love you."

Chris wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his cheek against mine.

"What?" I asked him quietly after a while.

He just smiled and brushed some hair out of my face. "Do you mean that?"

"Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?" I took his hand in mine.

"No one's..." He looked down at our intertwined fingers and back at me.

I looked into his eyes and saw no lies, no regrets. "Chris..."

"Shh," he whispered, and I snuggled next to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.


	5. Four

**The River.**

The next few days passed fairly quickly, and I hung out with Chris and the guys most of the time. It was already Thursday, and we were leaving the next morning for the camping trip. I don't know how I got Aunt Marie to agree to it. A sixteen-year-old girl going camping for three days with three other boys? I mean, really. If I was a mother and middle aged I wouldn't let my kid do it. Oh well. I guess I was just taking full advantage of this wonderful opportunity. Yay for me.

I was multitasking. Listening to the music in my head and dancing around my room, head-banging, while I packed my duffel for the trip. Chris saw me through his window and laughed, shook his head and rubbed his temples. I just smiled at him brightly.

Teddy and Gordie came in Teddy's Jeep the next morning to pick us up. I pulled on my sneakers, bid Aunt Marie farewell and ran outside, and we threw our stuff in the back and got in. We were supposed to drive on this dirt road for a while, park, and then hike the rest of the way along the Royal River. Everything was dense woods with the Cascade Mountains in the backdrop. It had this nice, fresh feel to it. Not quite what I was used to, but I liked it. After we had been driving for about an hour and a half, Teddy stopped right before where the bridge would have been. "Fuzkit."

"What?" we all said in unison.

"The bridge is out." Teddy kicked open the door and got out, looking over the river. The rest of us got out of the vehicle too and looked around. Indeed, all that was left of the bridge was a few of the posts still sticking out of the riverbed with some boards stuck to them.

"I guess we could find a shallow spot and ford the jeep across," Gordie offered.

"That could work. Jeeps are born to be wild! And its only, like, a foot deep."

"We're doing this," I said. "Besides, I'm feeling especially daring today."

"I must oblige to the lady." Chris said, and put his arm around me. "You guys up for it?"

All agreed, and we got back in the car. Teddy, still in the driver's seat, started the ignition and cleared his throat, and put on a Scottish accent. "Would all passengers please fasten your seatbelts, no smoking, keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle, just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride."

The car started down the bank and into the river. It was deeper and faster than we expected, but we kept going. Teddy floored it, and the front wheel got stuck on something and we couldn't move. The back of the jeep started to swing downstream, and we heard a long, loud creak of metal against nature. I screamed, they swore, and I don't remember anything else. I blacked out.

**Bad Circumstances.**

I coughed up some water, turning over onto my side. Air. I groaned and opened my eyes to see Chris and Gordie kneeling next to me in the sand.

"Julie! Oh my god, I thought I lost you!" He hugged me.

I sat up after a couple of tries. We were all really wet. Shivering, I moved next to Chris and he put an arm around my shoulder gently.

"FUCKIN A!" That was Teddy. He burst through some bushes and down to the embankment were we were, out of breath.

"What?" Gordie said, annoyed.

"The jeep's still going downriver, with all our gear still in it. We're never gonna catch it."

I remembered my phone. I had put it in the pocket of my jeans, so I took it out. Not that it would have had service anyway; it was so wet that it wouldn't even turn on.

Teddy flipped open his cigarette lighter and started a small fire. We all huddled around it and thought about what to do.

"We could always walk back the way we came."

"That would take a really long time. And I'm not going back in that river."

"Well it's not like a search party is gonna come looking for us! Nobody expects us back for three days!"

The realization of what we had gotten ourselves into hit us like a ton of bricks. I started to laugh at our own stupidity.

"Why in the hell are you laughing?" Teddy demanded.

"Well I guess we're really camping now, aren't we? We wanted an adventure -- we got one!"

They all started to laugh too.

"We'll go insane from loss of food and dehydration," Gordie added.

After a while it was getting dark, and we all decided it would be best to get some shut-eye and try to figure it all out in the morning.

I woke up the next morning on the ground next to Chris and the events of the previous day washed over me. Everybody else was still asleep, so I got up and went over to the river and splashed some water on my face. After relieving myself behind some bushes I went back to tend the fire, sat down on a piece of driftwood and sighed.

"I guess this is as good as it's gonna get," I said to myself sarcastically.

"Not quite," A voice said as he put his hands over my eyes from behind.

"Get your grubby paws off me, Chambers."

Chris laughed and sat down next to me, rubbing his eyes. "Good morning to you too."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "So what are we gonna do?" I asked, and wrapped my arms around my knees.

"Well, we'll probably go find the car, get our stuff, and then find our way back."

"What are we gonna eat?" I was so hungry.

"I don't know. Berries." Chris wrapped his arm around my waist. "Can't you see it?" He moved his other hand across the landscape before us. "Living off the land... We could even get a hippie van." I smiled, leaning my head on his shoulder. "We'll find something. Don't you worry."

"But I haven't eaten for, like, twenty-four hours."

"We'll be fine. And we'll have food once we find the car." He rubbed my arm.

"I hope so."

After a while everyone was awake, and we decided we would go find the car. Gordie put out the fire and our group walked away from our little camp beside the river. Chris held my hand as we walked, and we all kept our eyes peeled for any sign of our bags or the jeep.

We trudged along for a couple of hours, occasionally stopping to rest or have a drink. We were making pretty good time, I thought, probably because we didn't have backpacks or anything weighing us down. I was bored so I made them all sing along with me to AC/DC and other random things, which they did with minimal enthusiasm. The sun was beating down on us, and I felt like I was going to collapse, so Chris carried me on his back for a while. From this new height I noticed something in the distance.

"Holy crap! Chris, let me down!"

"What is it?"

"A waterfall!" I slid off his back and ran ahead.


	6. Five

**Thankies to my reviewers; Goofycat and inuchick.**

**The Waterfall.**

The Jeep. There it was. Totaled. Dead. Grounded on the beach at the bottom of the 20-foot waterfall. We waded over to it to examine the lump of metal that _was_ our precious vehicle. The car windows were shattered, so we reached in to pull out our stuff. Most of it was still inside and intact, just soggy. We found a clearing nearby and decided to camp there. Teddy had brought some rope, so we fashioned a clothesline between two trees to dry off our wet clothes and sleeping bags. Chris and Teddy put the tents up, while Gordie and I salvaged what was left in the cooler. The fruit and the vacuum-sealed-prepackaged-type stuff did all right, but the bread was just gross, so we gave it to the birds. I found some potato chips and was overjoyed. None of us had eaten anything for an entire day, so after we set up camp, we roasted weenies over a fire. They were delicious, but that's probably the hunger talking. By some miracle the portable boom box I'd brought still worked, so I put on some Steppenwolf and the party was _on_.

At the bottom of the waterfall there was a big, clear lake with all these huge boulders next to it. After lunch we threw on our swimsuits (me in the tent, of course) and ventured over to the water.

We were all standing in the flow of the waterfall, buckets raining down hard on our heads. The water was cold, but it felt really good. Chris, Gordie, Teddy and I climbed onto one of the boulders. And so we jumped.

We all splashed around for a while, and it made us hungry again. Gordie said we should make s'mores, so we got out of the water and dried off. Teddy started the fire up again and we sat around it, brandishing sharp sticks. I was sitting with Chris, his head sideways in my lap, and was feeding him marshmallows.

"Yummy."

"You know it." I laughed and kissed him. Our companions rolled their eyes as it got more heated.

"PDA," Gordie whined.

"What public? I see no public here."

"Shut up, man. How many times do I have to tell you two to get a room?" Teddy cried.

"Just once," Chris whispered. "Come on." We got up and Chris led me by the hand through the trees.

I could hear them snickering behind us and flipped them the bird over my shoulder. Once we were out of ear- and eye-shot, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and he did the same to mine.

"I love you," he said softly.

I grinned. "I love you more."

"That's not possible."

"Yes, it--" Chris interrupted me with his lips, bringing his hands to my neck. I smiled into the kiss and sent it back at him passionately. This continued for a few blissful seconds, until we stopped to breathe.

"You never cease to amaze me," I said, touching his face with my hand.

"You have no idea." We kissed again, and hugged.

It was getting dark and chilly so we walked back toward the tents. The other two were already in one of them. Chris unzipped the empty one and we stepped inside and sat together on the floor. We unrolled our sleeping bags and Chris lay down on top of his and looked at me. I snuggled next to him, my head on his shoulder, and sighed contentedly. Chris unzipped my bag fully and drew it over us. I fell asleep in his arms. And I woke up in them. We smiled.

**Disturbing the Peace.**

Apparently the other boys had dubbed our little tent the 'love shack,' because the next morning they refused to come within three feet of it. I don't think I'll ever understand how the male brain functions. If they indeed have one. Ah, the mysteries of life...

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?" I approached Teddy. Gordo was working on starting the fire back up again from the coals.

"Oh, just the fact that you're practically getting it on with our best friend when we're all ten feet away," Teddy said matter-of-factly.

"Teddy, quit assuming things. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Hey." Chris hugged me from behind and kissed the back of my neck. "How's it hangin?"

"Hi." I whispered, sent Teddy a pissed look, shrugged Chris off and walked away, toward the lake.

"What was that?"

"It's not you, man." Gordie said.

"Then who is it? PMS?" Chris asked, annoyed. "What'd you say to her?"

"Nothing."

"What'd you say to her? What's up with you guys today, anyway?"

"Ever since she moved here you've been totally fixated on Julie, Julie, Julie. You never talk to us, like, at all anymore." Teddy said.

"Well excuse me if I've finally found someone I really care about who doesn't judge me before they know me or expect that I'm gonna grow up to be like my dad and beat my family and never put the bottle down. She believes in me, dammit, and I'm not gonna let that go."

"Dude..."

"What'd you say to her?" he persisted. "Is anybody gonna tell me?"

Gordie blurted out, "Teddy pretty much accused her of disturbing the peace." Teddy glared at him.

"You told her that? Jesus, Teddy! She didn't deserve that!"

"Chris!"

"Forget it."

"Where you going?"

"For a walk."

"Teddy," Gordie said. "Talk to her, man." He nodded his head in my direction.

I was sitting on one of the boulders over looking the lake, playing with the fray in my jeans and looking out over the water. I heard footsteps behind me. But it wasn't who I thought it would be.

"Jay?"

"What do you want, Duchamp?"

"What I said before was way out of line. Came to say I'm sorry."

"It was. Feel better?"

"No." He sat next to me on the rock. "I feel like shit."

"You should," I said. He looked at the ground below sadly. "Dude, I'm messing with you."

Teddy smirked and shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Someone put you up to this, didn't they?"

"Yeah," he replied a little too quickly.

"So how do you feel about your loss of car?"

"Well, I'm heartbroken." He stood straight up on the rock. "But my dad's up in Section Eight so he won't give a flying frick whether I live or die."

"Don't say that."

"I always say it like it is, or at least how I see it. You should know that much by now."

I watched Chris walk up to the boulder as well, and sat on my other side. Teddy let us alone, thinking he was off the hook.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concern in his eyes.

"Yeah." He kissed my forehead and I smiled.

**Trekking Back.**

We all came to an agreement that day that we might as well just go home early, considering that we now had no jeep and had to walk all the way back. Teddy and Chris resolved it like they always did, did this weird ghetto shoulder-bumping thing that guys do, and returned to their bickering and inside jokes. We were walking back upriver the way we had come before to look for the jeep. Gordie, unusually quiet today, was lagging behind the rest of us. I whispered something to Chris and he nodded. I slowed down and fell into step with him.

"Gordie?"

"Hi, Jules."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Sure you are. What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." I eyed him suspiciously. "Denny." Ha. A woman's touch.

"Your brother?"

He nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Chris had explained to me that, a few years back, Gordie's older brother Dennis had been killed in a car accident. Gordie had been especially close to him, took it really bad, and he was still kinda sad all the time. His parents, even four years later, completely ignored him and resented him for being alive. Denny was the football star, the popular kid, the one his parents were proud of. It brought Gordie down, and he never really got over it. Chris and Gordie were best friends, always had been, and that didn't help what Gordie's father thought of him at all. In his father's eyes, he was friends with scum, and was a failure. They both were.

Gordo and I both sighed.

"Did Chris tell you...?"

"Yeah."

"I don't want pity, but I don't want to forget about him either."

"You shouldn't."

"I guess."

We kept walking in silence, listening to the river flow.

**Finally Home**

The rest of the walking went by pretty uneventfully until we came to the part of the river that we crossed two days ago. Chris went across first, with the end of a long rope. He secured it to a tree on the other side. Gordie tied the other end to a tree on our side. Gordie went across next, then me, and finally Teddy. It was hard because we had backpacks on, but we managed it without losing much.

Once settled on the other side we stopped to have something to eat. There were still some chips, Oreos, a couple of apples, and a jar of peanut butter. I threw down my bag, took another drink from my water bottle and poured some of it over my head. The other boys followed suit. We sat down on the ground. There were still about twenty miles before we were home, and it was hot. Really hot. I found a red sharpie in my duffel and was ecstatic. I started doing my nails with it. Teddy guffawed.

"What? Red is in."

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Gordie decided.

We kept walking for forever, bitch-and-moaning, when eventually we saw civilization. I shrieked with delight, threw down my bag and did a bad cartwheel.

"Someone's happy."

"That's meee!" I jumped into Chris' arms and he grunted.

"What has this world come to?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

Around five that day I crashed through my aunt's front door. Long live air conditioning.

I slept on and off for the rest of the day. I had grown accustomed to that warm body that was Chris lying next to me, but he wasn't there. I needed him. Around eleven I pulled on some jeans, crawled out my window and went over to his. I tapped on it.

Chris helped me in. I looked around his room. It was messy. The bed was unmade, clothes on the floor. The door was closed, the walls a dingy yellow. I looked into his eyes and took his hands in mine. He smiled warmly down at me and we kissed. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed.

"I needed that." I said, almost under my breath. But I knew he could hear me.


	7. Six

**The Odd Couple. Several of Them.**

Chris and I went out for coffee and chili fries at the deli. We were sitting at the bar. I looked down at my food.

"I swear, Chris, that is the most disgusting combination I've ever seen, let alone tasted."

"Too bad."

We finished our food and came upon a cheap, fruity toy machine. I smiled and fished out as many quarters as I could find, three. They shined in our hands and we happily pushed two of them into the machine. Chris grabbed the joystick and skillfully maneuvered the claw through the countless round plastic cups, and dropped one through the prize chute. We opened the top, peering inside at our dime store treasure. Two silver rings. My face lit up and I laughed, throwing my arms around Chris, before returning to ogle at the thin metal. My heart pounded against my chest, and I knew what I had to do next. I took the rings and reached for his left hand. And then Chris reached for mine.

"Promise me?" I whispered.

"I promise you." We smiled and kissed.

Ace and Eyeball passed us and stopped. "Aww, looky here, Ace, its so cute," Eyeball sneered, taking a swig from his beer. "Two little lovebirds. My kid brother and the little whore from next door. When's the wedding? Am I invited?" He did some crude hip thrusts, laughing at his own joke.

I felt Chris tighten his grip around me. A fire shone in his eyes. One I hadn't seen for a long time.

"Cool it, hun. I couldn't care less what he thinks of me." I whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, but I do." Chris started to move towards them.

"No, Chris. Not like this. They're not worth it."

**Running.**

I was running. There were hedges on both, no, on all sides. And they weren't beautiful blooming hedges either, they were ugly and brown and evil. I was stuck in a maze that twisted back and forth, in every direction imaginable. I veered to the left and ran into a woman dressed like royalty. My mother. She cleared her throat loudly and reached for some of my hair, smelling it, and prodded me with her baton.

I again changed my direction. The deck of red cards appeared, and painted red roses on the hedges, pushing me out of their way with their buckets and ladders. Then I saw Chris. He smiled at me, and reached for my hand. And then he was a mile away. I tried to move, run after him. But my feet wouldn't let me. I panicked, turning again and again, and collapsed.

Something grabbed me. I wrestled from this grasp. I could feel a hand on my forehead, then on my side and under my knees. I half-heartedly forced myself away from this strangely familiar feeling. Whispering is all I heard. It enveloped me.

I opened my eyes slightly. I could feel his lips moving softly next to my ear. "Shh, Jules, calm down. I'm here. You're fine." His voice alone could've brought me back to earth. Chris had climbed into bed with me, lying on his side, holding me close to him. I must have been thrashing back and forth. I sighed and drew my hands around his neck, nestling my face in with them.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked quietly, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"Not really."

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

I nodded and closed my eyes again. Chris smiled, pecking the side of my head.

**Survival.**

I was having dinner with Aunt Marie.

"So how was your day, sweetie?"

"I hung out with Chris and Gordie and we ate waaay too much fudge."

"Chris, huh?"

"Yeah." I blushed.

"You're spending a lot of time with that boy. You really like him, don't you?"

"Yeah. I do." I smiled, picking at my food.

"Be careful."

"Why?"

"He's a Chambers, honey. Bad blood."

That drew the line. I stared at her. "Don't you dare judge him! You don't know him!"

She sighed. "Julia…"

"I don't wanna hear about it!" I stood up from the table, bolted to my room, and slammed the door.

Who did she think she was? I felt bad enough about his false reputation without her getting involved. I loved Chris. And I might have been the only one who really did. He was my lifeline at that point. And actually, if I was given a choice, and we were older, I would go marry him and get a hippie van and live off the land in the middle of nowhere. I knew he was starting college courses next year with Gordie, trying to bring himself up, so that he could finally get out of this town, and start a better life for himself. And I was really proud of him for that. Chris was really more human than any of the idiots in that town who thought they were better than he was. And I just knew that he'd prove them all wrong someday. He had to. It meant his survival.

There was a knock on my door.

"Julie. I'm sorry. His family…"

"You don't know shit about his family." I buried my face in the pillow. "Don't talk to me."

My phone rang. I reached over to the bedside table to answer it.

"Hey Chris. What're you doing?"

"Watching Deb until my mom gets back. Wanna come over?"


	8. Seven

**Family Fun Time.**

Debbie was Chris' four-year-old sister. He ended up playing the father most of the time, especially when his mom and dad weren't around; Chris' mom worked the graveyard shift, so she slept during the day. Debbie was the just cutest thing, dirty-blonde like Chris, with little pigtails. She had escaped the abuse, being so little and a girl, but it was still hard for both of them. Deb was pretty shy and I could see her playing with her dollies in the backyard sometimes.

I washed my face, brushed my hair, ate an Altoid and was out the door. Chris met me outside. Deb followed, and hid behind him, clinging to his jeans.

"Hi Debbie. I've heard a lot about you."

She bit her lip and then grinned widely. "You're Julie, aren't you?"

"Yes I am."

"I've heard a lot about you, too."

I smiled and Chris blushed and scooped her up. "Kids say the darndest things."

We went inside. No one was home. I hadn't really been inside Chris' house much, mostly because of his dad, who was out of town at the moment, although he'd said his mom wanted to meet me.

We sat down on the couch and the munchkin insisted on watching cartoons. She fell asleep after an hour or so, so Chris picked her up and took her to her room. I followed and watched him put her pajamas on for her and tuck her in and kiss her goodnight. Chris was so adorable when he wanted to be.

We went into his kitchen and I sat on the counter.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

"I could eat. What do you have?"

Chris looked in his cupboard, and poked his head out from behind the wooden door. "PB&J?"

I grinned in appreciation as he brought out the needed supplies.

Chris stood inches in front of me, smiling in his own little way. Our hands found each other and joined, and I marveled at how amazing my hand felt in his, the way they fit together. He came closer, and I leaned forward, until our faces melded together in a kiss. I wrapped my arms around Chris' neck, and he tensed up for a second and then enveloped me in a hug, forgetting completely about the peanut butter. I hopped off the counter and we waddled over to the couch, tripping a few times, arms still around each other, kissing softly.

We lay down one at a time, and Chris rested on his elbows in front of me, changing his position until we were both comfortable, with his arms under my back. I moved his hair out of his blue eyes and looked into them, surrendering to him, letting my body relax in his warm embrace. We kissed again, and Chris pressed his lips to my forehead. Moving onto my side next to him, I rested my head against his chest, closing my eyes, wanting to stay in this place forever. We snuggled together under the blanket that had been draped over the couch, and fell asleep.

A door slammed and my eyes flew open. It was still dark. Chris' arms clutched my body instinctively, and we waited for more sounds. Footsteps pounded against the flooring. Chris swore under his breath.

"CHRISTOPHER!" bellowed roughly, gutturally, from somewhere behind us. I knew it had to be his father... it reeked. I realized what that meant; it meant Chris would get hurt, that his son was sleeping with a girl, what more of an excuse did a drunkard need? Oh, my god, I didn't want to witness this. I didn't want this to happen. I hated this. Shit.

"Close your eyes," Chris whispered in my ear. As I did so, hot tears formed in them. He kissed the skin on my shoulder, secured the blanket over me, and I felt him move, getting up.

After a few seconds I heard Chris' voice again. "Sir..." he said quietly.

"YOU LITTLE FAGGOT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP?"

"You called me, sir."

"Don't get smart with me."

"I'm not, I-" Hearing bones crunch, Chris moan and cough, hitting the ground, I pressed my lips and my eyelids together tightly, curling my body into a ball under the cover. I listened, horrified, to his father kicking him in the sides, in the stomach. Chris struggled to his feet, stumbling toward the kitchen as fast as he could. The bastard tried to stop him but wasn't quick enough, not being of a sober mind. Cupboards shutting loudly and Chris' frustrated, pained yell echoed in my ears.

Screw my life. I wasn't going to let this happen. Keeping my eyes closed, I stuck two fingers in my mouth and whistled as loud as I could muster. Dead silence. I did it again.

"WHO'S DOING THAT? GET THE FUCK OUT." I didn't say anything, biting my lip, not breathing. I took a deep breath and whistled again. Over and over.

"No, stop!" Chris cried at me. "Don't do it!" I heard his father coming in my direction. "Julie, run!" He probably meant run out of the house. Instead I climbed off the couch, and stood up, my eyes adjusting. As a large figure approached me, I skidded around the other side of the couch, and into the kitchen where Chris was. All I knew was that I had to get him out.

"Dammit, come on!" I hissed, grabbing his arm, pulling him toward the back door in the kitchen.

Chris hesitated. "You go. Now!" He pushed me in the direction I was pulling him.

"I'm not leaving without you." I tugged his arm again, staring into the living room, watching Chris' father advance. But Chris wouldn't budge. I stared at him. "Fine." I flipped on the light switch and waited for his father to enter the room, and walked up to him, staring him angrily in the eyes, for what seemed like hours. He looked taken aback, and raised his hand to strike me across the face, panting. But he didn't. After a few seconds his hand dropped to his side, and he turned around, going out the front door the way he'd come, slamming it on his way out. We heard his truck starting up and driving away, and made a huge sigh of relief. I slid down the wall to the linoleum floor, shaking, my heart pounding in my ears.

It was Chris' turn to stare now, at me. His eyes were welling up with tears, and he whispered, "How could I let that happen? I can't believe…" His voice broke. "You could've... oh my god."

"You didn't know, sweetie." I crawled across the floor and sat next to him, and we hugged each other. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine, did he hurt you..." Chris cradled my face in his hands. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I love you."

"But-"

"You don't need a better reason than that."

We kissed, and in-between breaths he said, "You just scared the holy hell out of him, you know that right?"

We got up off the floor and Chris led me into his room. We sat down on the squeaky bed.

"Are you sure you're okay? Let me see this." Leaning over him, I pulled his shirt up. "Chris…"

"Jules, listen to me. I'm numb to him now. It doesn't hurt. Don't worry about it."

I ran my shaking fingers over Chris' bare, bruised abdomen. "I don't care if it doesn't hurt. You shouldn't have to put up with this. I mean, I care, but…"

"I know what you mean. But that's my mom's call, not mine." I looked into his eyes and saw someone much older than his mere sixteen years. A man. But inside Chris was still just a little boy; his innocence was stolen from him. He had to go through so much in his childhood, so much more than anyone should in their entire lifetimes. It made me hate his father with a passion. I wanted to always be there for Chris, to love him, to hold him. To make sure he was okay. He had that effect on everyone who really knew him, because he was often the one taking care of everybody.

I frowned and looked sadly up at him. "What?"

"Once a year or so it gets so bad that the neighbors call the cops. But my dad never actually goes into custody or court or anything, ever. I swear he has connections or something. She can't report him, cause he'll just beat the piss outta my mom and then he'll beat the piss outta me an' Rich."

I cringed. "Catch-twenty-two?"

"Pretty much. Either it gets worse or it stays the way it is."

"Chris?" Debbie stood in the doorway in a big nightshirt, her eyes all red and puffy.

Chris smiled at her. "Hey, Deb. C'mere." She padded across the room in her socks, giving her big brother a hug and sitting on his lap. "Hey, I think there's something on your cheek right there," he teased. Chris grabbed her and kissed her cheek, and she shrieked with laughter, struggling from his strong grip. He let her down on the floor. "Go back to bed." She left the room, smiling.

"You're so good with her."

Chris smiled slightly and kissed my forehead. "Are you cold?" I nodded, and he wrapped a sweatshirt of his around my shoulders, keeping his arms around me, which I leaned into, putting my own arms around him.

"What do you wanna do? It's really late," he asked, our foreheads pressed together.

"I'm not going to be able to sleep." I took his hand and the two of us went outside.

**This was really hard/exciting/scary/sad to write. I was really scared it wouldn't be realistic, could anyone please reassure me?**


	9. Eight

** I was hoping for a bit more feedback for the last chapter... Oh well.  
**

**Do You Trust Me?**

We sat together in the grass under a big oak in the backyard and watched the sunrise. I felt so safe when I was with Chris. Like nothing could touch me. He was my everything. My best friend, my angel, my shoulder to cry on, my baby, my other half. He was just himself. And I love that. Chris was the love of my life. I wanted to spend every waking minute with him. I wanted to give him what he deserved. I wanted to be his heart. I wanted to be his rock. I wanted to be someone he could turn to. And I was. And when and if I didn't believe it, he would prove it to me, spending as much time at it as he needed to, which was rare.

Chris had built a wall around himself. He used to be numb to things, to people. But I saw through his wall when I met him, probably because I didn't think badly of him right away like a lot of people did. I let him be my friend, open up to me; unlock the little door in his wall, in his heart. He needed that. But what he needed most is someone who really cares; someone who could love him for who he really is. I could do that too. Very well. And I was so glad that I could make him happy. Bet he didn't see that one coming when he thought about what he would do that summer. Fall in love. And fall hard.

I pulled my hands deeper into the sleeves of Chris' sweatshirt which I was wearing. Chris moved his arm around my lower back, letting his hand rest on my hip.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

I smiled and touched the side of his face, moving his hair from his eyes. "With my life."

He turned up one side of his mouth. "You have any idea how awesome that is?"

"Chris, I love you. And if this town saw you the way I see you, I would have no chance with you whatsoever."

"Why not?"

"Because you'd have girls all over you."

"No I wouldn't," he said, with a completely straight face. "I would wait for you."

"So you're psychic now, too?"

"Indeed."

I held onto his hand, staring into space. Snuggling deeper into his embrace, I sighed and shut my eyes.

**Revelations.**

Chris and I were at Gordie's house a few days later. They were playing Halo on Gordie's Xbox. Chris was winning, and I was just watching… I knew far too well how much I sucked at stuff like that. Chris paused it and went in the bathroom. Gordie sighed, leaned back against the couch, and zoned out.

"Gordo. Gordie. GORDIE!"

He looked up. "Huh?"

"Something bothering you? You look paler than usual."

"Usually." He thought for a second and whispered, "Can you keep a secret?"

"Of course." I got up from my chair and sat next to him on the couch.

"You can't tell anybody. Not even Chris."

"Okay." I nodded.

"And don't laugh."

"I wouldn't."

He sighed deeply and avoided my eyes. "Julie, I-I think, um…" he lowered his voice. "I think I'm gay." He cringed, as if waiting for me to smack him upside the head for even thinking such a thing. But instead my mouth widened into a huge grin.

"That's awesome, Gordie!"

"I'm serious."

"So am I!" I hugged him. "One of my best guyfriends back home is like that. We go shopping all the time. I love him to death and it just makes him… him. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He sighed loudly.

"Hey guys…" Chris was in the doorway.

"Hi."

"Who do you love to death?"

"Oh, my gay friend Dylan from back home. He's really cool." How much did Chris hear? That was close. I just love gay guys. They're so much fun to be around. Especially when they're really feminine and go about in Armani pullovers.

"Alrighty then." Chris sat down in a chair and I looked at Gordie and bit my lip. I remembered one of Dylan's favorite ways to find the right guy and _aha!_ I winked at Gordie, climbed onto Chris' lap and immediately grabbed one of his hands, examining it.

"What're you doing?" he asked.

"Pushing down your cuticles." I said, concentrating. He scoffed. "What? I like my man to have nice hands. Oh, you know you love it." I reached up and kissed him. He loved that, too.

**Talking to Gordie.**

"I'm scared, Julie."

"Don't be."

"What are people gonna say? What's Chris gonna think? He's my best friend. Oh my god, and my parents. They'll flip! I'm already a big enough disgrace in their eyes."

"Gordie, if you make a big deal out of it, others are gonna make a big deal out of it. And don't worry about Chris; you know he wouldn't turn his back on you. I know he wouldn't."

"I guess."

"Unless, of course, you're in love with him. But sorry, hun, he's mine."

"Shut up!"

Gordie and I came out of a 7Eleven with mini ice cream cartons. Blackberry for me, double fudge for him.

"Oh, I know. Mark Whalberg." I said, grinning.

"Hell yes."

I laughed. "This is so much fun, Gordie."

He smiled in agreement. We kept walking until we reached his house. We went inside and sat on the couch like the day before.

"So, are you gonna come out of the closet or stay inside?" I licked my spoon and waggled by eyebrows at him.

"Are you a psychologist?"

"No, I'm just figuring out your situation." Gordie sighed. "Take your time."

"Well I'd kinda have to come out eventually…"

"But until then you are single, and not really ready to mingle."

"Exactly."

"Well I don't really notice a large gay community around here."

"Yeah, I know."

"So…how long have you known about it?"

"I don't know. A year or so, probably. Maybe two."

"So do you have your eyes on anybody?"

"Well…"

I realized how huge it was that Gordie told me. For both of us. It was be hard to keep this from Chris. I told him everything. What if something slipped out? That would suck. A lot.


	10. Nine

**Games...**

Chris, Teddy, Gordie and I were all squeezed into the tree house playing cards. I whooped their butts at poker; everyone except Chris, of course, who was still the poker king. After a while it turned into strip poker, that really pissed Teddy off and he started swearing under his breath at no one in particular. By the end of the day I had collected about twenty bucks, was smiling broadly and had only lost my shoes (probably because Teddy knew Chris would kill him), but decided to quit while I was ahead. Chris and I were sitting together in a bean bag chair, and he was playing with my hair. It was getting boring and late so I suggested a very serious game of Truth or Dare, no exceptions, no wimping out. The vote was unanimous. I went first. I knew the perfect thing.

"Teddy, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Typical.

"Make out with Gordie for thirty seconds." Gordie gaped at me in amazement and I winked at him. We both started laughing.

"Aw, bloody hell, Julie, why?" Teddy cried, clearly disgusted.

"If only you knew..."

It wasn't extremely exciting. Chris and I counted down the seconds out loud and couldn't help but watch. The scene really reminded me of American Pie 2 when they break into the girl's apartment. It was hilarious. Except Gordie wasn't exactly as grossed out as Teddy was. But he didn't show it. Probably because it was Teddy, of all people.

Then Chris went. "Jules. Truth or dare?"

"Truth." I looked up at him from my position on his lap.

"Are you ready?"

"For what?"

"Anything. Everything."

"Of course not. I am utterly confused with the world around me."

"Screw it, man, I'm leavin'," Teddy sighed. "Can't take no intellectual conversations."

"Right behind you," Gordie said, as they both left.

After a minute or so, I said in a small voice, "But I'm ready for you." We stared at each other until I closed my eyes and hugged my knees to my chest.

Nothing else existed.

**Yuck, Men.**

"What's red and green and goes a hundred miles an hour?" Teddy asked me, grinning like a madman.

I gawked at him for a second. "Remind me again why I associate myself with you?"

"It's my boyish charm."

"You just keep telling yourself that. My God, Chris, it's not funny, stop laughing!" Chris was rolling around on the floor of Teddy's apartment giggling, clutching his side. I just stood there, shaking my head, wondering how in the heck I got myself into this conversation, and how I was going to shut up my lovable idiot of a boyfriend. I sat down on the tattered beige couch and flipped on the TV. Ah, yes. South Park reruns. Just what I needed. Apparently Kenny has a new pet. Joy.

That night, I was lying awake in bed reading a book. Aunt said I needed summer reading materials; my life wasn't all about boys, so she took me to the local library. I picked out a couple titles that looked appealing. It was sweltering out... the beginnings of August. My window was open and the fan was on. I knew that they sort of cancel each other out, but oh well. Reading really wasn't what I preferred to be doing, so I did something about it.

I slipped out my window and tapped on Chris'. No one answered it. I tapped harder. No result. It was halfway open, but his window was higher up than mine. I pulled myself up on the sill, sat on it, and peeked in. He was sitting on the floor, back against the bureau, headphones on, his eyes closed, mouthing the words to some song I didn't know. I smiled, opened the window more, and climbed off the sill onto the floor of the room. A small thud was emitted, but Chris still sat, unfazed by my presence. I stifled a laugh and promptly sat on him. He jumped and opened his eyes.

"Whhaaa... oh it's you. Hey." he said, happily surprised, and hugged me.

"Hey yourself." Chris buried his head in my shoulder and kissed it.

"What were you listening to?" I asked.

"Frank Zappa."

"Nice choice."

Chris took off the headphones, and got up off the floor, and grabbed my hand to help me up. He was too strong for his own good and I stumbled into him at the end, and he steadied me and held me close to him in his tanned arms. My cheek to his chest, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his waist, remembering his scent, his touch. Chris didn't really smell like anything, actually. Just kinda dusty and deoderant-ish. He was so gentle and sweet with me, the look in his eyes, the way he spoke.

I looked up at him, and smiled down at me, that sweet smile that had me captivated, that I adored so much, and kissed my forehead; Chris was just enough taller than me to be able to do that without bending over or doing anything. I loved it. Feeling his fingers on my lower back and his cheek against mine, and I traced my finger around the curve of his face. He brought his hand up to mine and held it, and pecked my lips. We both smiled through the kiss and--

"Chris, you little fucker, where in the hell is my Zappa album?" his brother yelled. The door burst open suddenly producing Eyeball. "Did'jou take-- Hot damn, man..."

"OUT!" Chris jumped about a foot into the air and slammed the door in his face. I should have gotted him a _DO NOT DISTURB_ sign. Not that his brother would have paid any attention to it.

I snorted with laughter. "He's gonna kill you... hahaha."


	11. Ten

"**YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"**

The summer was nearing its end. I was supposed to go back to San Francisco on August 24th, a week before school was going to start up again. It was now the 7th. I wouldn't be able to live without Chris right next to me every day, to give me a hug or kiss whether I needed one, or just for the hell of it. He was why I got up in the morning. In California I had a few close friends and that was it. I hated the atmosphere there.

Here, Chris was my whole world. When I wasn't with him he was on my mind, in my dreams. I could close my eyes and see his smiling face. The way his eyes sparkled as he laughed, how beautiful he looked when he was asleep.

I spent more time with Gordie, too, and we'd gotten really close over the past few days, talking about his little 'situation' and other random things (like guys). Gordie liked a guy named Matt, who he said was in his World Studies class the previous year. We were sitting on a bench in the park... well, Gordie was sitting, I was keeled over onto his lap, shaking with silent laughter.

"That was a good joke."

"I guess so," he said, smirking at my reaction.

I had promised Aunt Marie I'd be back before three. Gordie and I walked away toward our houses. At the intersection between my street and his, we hugged and I gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Later."

"Alligator." He smiled at me and I turned and walked away toward my residence. I didn't notice Teddy lurking in the bushes. Entering the house, I sighed, went to my room and dumped myself on the bed. Long day. I wondered what Chris was doing.

I opened my window. I could see Chris in his room from there. His back was to me. When he turned around and saw me, he threw me a dirty look and walked out of my view. Naturally, I went to see what was up. At his window:

"What do you want?"

I looked at him sadly. "Chris... what?"

"Don't play dumb with me. Why, Julie. Why'd you do it?"

"Chris, I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Teddy saw you with Gordie."

My heart sank, but I kept my composure. "So?"

"He said you two were getting pretty friendly."

"And you listen to everything he says?"

"Maybe." Chris jumped out his window and landed neatly on the ground next to me.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Gordie was gay, for crying out loud. Chris was jealous of me and the gay guy? Wow. That's a new one. Of course, Chris didn't know about Gordie's little 'situation,' as we referred to it in public, but still, I couldn't stand it that Chris was mad at me. His eyes were filled with fear, anger, regret. Like he thought he let his emotions get the better of him and fell in love, only to be shredded in the end because he was a no-good Chambers kid and always would be. Like he should have seen it coming and never started anything.

"Chris, hun," I said softly. I wanted to grab his hand. But his arms were crossed in front of him.

"I trusted you! I loved you!"

My jaw dropped. "Chris!"

"I thought I meant something to you!"

"You're everything to me! You don't understand!"

"What don't I understand, Julia? Please, do enlighten me."

"Oh my god," I sighed angrily and slid my back down the side of the house until I was sitting in the baked grass. I sighed again and banged the back of my head against the wood siding.

"Spit it out, woman!" he demanded. "What is it? Is he better than me or something? Do I make you look bad? Is that it? Figured you go see about my best friend, huh, maybe he's better at it." He paused. "Ya know, I thought you were different from the rest of the shits in this town, but I guess I was wrong."

That struck a chord in me like you wouldn't believe. He couldn't possibly have meant that. I was so scared, and it showed in my eyes. Those hick pricks could go to the lowest levels of Hell, for all I cared. For Chris to compare me to them, when I didn't do anything... he'd never yelled at me before. Chris was always so sweet and loving with the people he cared about, standing up for his friends and being there. Like he was trying to make up for what he never got from the town or from the men in his family, who pretty much ruined his life, and his reputation.

My eyes stung and I looked across the gap between our houses at my current eye level, and back at him, and back again at the wall, my bottom lip quivering, half from shock, half from loss for words. He just stood there expectantly.

Finally I blurted out, "Chris, stop. This is so stupid."

"What, our relationship? Yeah. It is."

I stared at him like a lost puppy. "You know that's not what I mean!" I broke down. "Dammit, Chris! Gordie's GAY!"

"What?" his face softened and he looked at me incredulously.

"Yeah. He told me last week. I'm playing psychologist. I promised him I wouldn't to tell you. Or anybody."

"Wow... that... whoa."

"I kissed him on the cheek. It meant nothing. Teddy likes to exaggerate." I wiped my eyes with my thumb and forced out a dry laugh.

"Oh. Goddamn... I- Julie..."

"I know. So am I."

He sat down next to me and wrapped me up in his arms. I hugged him back. "You know I'm _always_ here," I said into his shoulder. "Don't ever scare me like that again."

"I'm so sorry, Jules. I love you so much. I couldn't lose the one good thing in my life."

"You'll never lose me."

**Leaving?**

Gordie, Chris and I were walking down the sidewalk. I had a man on each arm. It was kind of weird at first for them... Chris got over 'it' eventually. He admitted to me that he had suspected 'it' for a while. Teddy still didn't know. That's for the best, probably. We made up a lame excuse for the time being. I loved Chris so much it wasn't even funny. And Gordie, what a guy. He'd become my next best friend.

Chris sent me his trademark smirk, his face softened and he looked me in the eyes. I smiled at him and interlaced my fingers with his. We kept walking. I loved those little silences between us. Words weren't needed.

Four days left.

I didn't know what I was going to do. I couldn't just leave Chris for a place I didn't belong. I'd cried myself to sleep the night before.

We sat on the wooden porch swing on my aunt's back porch. I held my ticket back to California, my fingers shaking. Chris' arms snaked around from behind me to my hands in an attempt to calm them, running his fingers over my ring. "Julie," he whispered in my ear, resting his chin on my shoulder. "We can make this work."

"No, Chris, as much as I want it to... we can't."

"Sure we can," he smiled, trying his best to assure me, not to mention assuring himself.

"How? I'll see you once a year with horrible phone bills in-between?" I grabbed his hand and turned my head to look at him.

"I hear cell phones have good Long Distance Calling."

"I'm being serious."

"I hate it when you're being serious."

"So do I," I said quietly.

Chris and I went through the back and jumped the fence between his yard and mine.

We sat down in the foot-tall grass behind his house, wanting to spend our last few hours alone. Chris and I laid peacefully together that day for what we both feared would be the last time; our legs tangled, his heartbeat in sync with mine. Just me and my beautiful baby boy, for an eternity that wasn't long enough.

The boys threw a going-away party for me. Gordie made me a cake, he's so sweet. Which Teddy, being the maniac that he is, shoved my face into. Chris proceeded to lick the frosting off my cheeks while I laughed and tried to tackle him.


	12. Eleven

I guess I might as well say, since it's been long enough, that I'm sick of having to edit all the chapters on here as I change them dramatically.

So this story is now on a LiveJournal, I made one just for it, if anyone's still interested. I update it pretty often. Check it out if you wish :)

Thanks. Oh, and everyone with an open mind and a deep personality should listen to John Frusciante. That's all. Peace. -Lil

yoswanhellochip livejournal com

what the fuck? it wont show the url. so just put a period where the spaces are in the url above. :)


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